She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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