I'm sorry my penis didn't work
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
