I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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