I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
