No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
