Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
