pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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