i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
