I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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