i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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