Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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