Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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