He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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