No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
