So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
