were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
