I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Terrible idea I love it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
