i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
