Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
