If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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