bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
