In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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