do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
