you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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