literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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