good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
