look no pants
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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