just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
