So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
