I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
