She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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