On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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