Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
