He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
