What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
