The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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