I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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