he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
