Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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