if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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