I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
