47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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