I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
