we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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