too bad you live with your parents still
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
