Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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