I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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