Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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