Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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