Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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