She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
