i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this boner is exhausting
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
