I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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