Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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