perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
