I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
