Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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