Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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