Need sex. Gaining weight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
