I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
