The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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