i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
