we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
