2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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