I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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