You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
