She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
