i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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