we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
