I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
